Autognar's Used Car Emporium: A Dragon's Failed Business Venture
Once upon a time, there was a dragon named Autognar who had fallen on hard times. His hoard of gold had dwindled to a mere pittance, and he found himself struggling to make ends meet. So, he decided to try his hand at a new venture: selling used cars.
Autognar had always been a bit of a hoarder, so he had amassed quite a collection of old vehicles over the years. He thought they might be worth something, so he dusted them off and put them up for sale. Unfortunately, he quickly discovered that selling cars in the modern world was not as easy as he had thought.
Autognar’s first problem was that he didn’t have a proper dealership. He tried to set up shop in his cave, but the local zoning board shut him down pretty quickly. They said he needed to have a proper storefront in a commercial district, with parking and everything. Autognar didn’t know the first thing about commercial real estate, so he turned to his wife for help.
Autognar’s wife was a human woman named Karen, who worked as a real estate agent. She was always nagging him to get a real job, so Autognar thought she might be willing to help him out. He was wrong.
“Are you kidding me?” Karen said when Autognar asked for her help. “You want me to help you sell used cars? That’s ridiculous. You’re a dragon, for crying out loud. You should be out there terrorizing villages or something.”
Autognar tried to explain that he was trying to turn over a new leaf, but Karen wasn’t having it. She told him that if he wanted to sell cars, he needed to do it on his own. So, Autognar went back to his cave to figure things out.
He decided to try advertising his cars online. He set up a website and started posting ads on Craigslist and Facebook. He even made a commercial, which he uploaded to YouTube. The commercial featured Autognar standing in front of a row of cars, trying to look cool and suave.
“Hello, my name is Autognar, and I’m here to sell you some cars,” he said in his deep, booming voice. “These cars are the best in the land. They may not be brand new, but they’re still pretty good. And they’re cheap, too. So come on down to my cave and check them out.”
The commercial didn’t exactly go viral. In fact, it didn’t get any views at all. Autognar was disappointed, but he didn’t give up. He kept posting ads and trying to drum up business.
One day, a woman named Mary responded to one of his ads. She was looking for a cheap car to get her to and from work, and Autognar’s prices seemed too good to be true. She was a bit wary of buying a car from a dragon, but she decided to give it a shot.
When Mary arrived at Autognar’s cave, she was surprised to find that it was actually a pretty nice setup. Autognar had cleared out a section of his hoard to make room for the cars, and he had even installed some lights and a stereo system. It was still a bit intimidating, what with the giant dragon looming over her, but Mary tried to stay calm.
Autognar showed her a few cars, but Mary wasn’t impressed. They were all pretty beat up, and she didn’t trust that they would last very long. She was about to leave when Autognar showed her one final car: a bright red convertible.
“Now this is a car,” Autognar said, running a claw over the shiny hood. “It’s got low miles, a clean title, and it’s a real head-turner. You’ll be the envy of all your coworkers.”
Mary was skeptical, but she decided to take it for a test drive. She climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. The car roared to life, and Mary felt a surge of excitement.
But her excitement was short-lived. As soon as she put the car in gear, it started to shake and rattle. The steering wheel was wobbly, and the brakes squealed. Mary quickly realized that this car was a lemon.
“I’m sorry, Autognar,” she said, as she climbed out of the car. “This just isn’t going to work.”
Autognar was crestfallen. He had been so sure that he could make a go of this used car business, but it seemed like he was destined to fail. He slumped down onto a pile of gold coins and let out a mournful sigh.
Karen found him like that a few hours later, when she came looking for him. She had been worried about him, and she wanted to make sure he was okay.
“What’s wrong, honey?” she asked, as she approached him.
“I’m a failure,” Autognar said, glumly. “I thought I could sell cars, but it turns out I can’t even sell one.”
Karen sat down next to him and put a comforting arm around his scaly shoulder.
“It’s okay, Autognar,” she said. “Not everyone is cut out for sales. But you know what you are good at?”
“What?” Autognar asked, looking up at her with hopeful eyes.
“You’re good at being a dragon,” Karen said, with a smile. “Why don’t you go back to doing that? I’m sure there are plenty of villages out there that could use a good scare.”
Autognar thought about it for a moment, and then he grinned. You know what? She was right. He was a dragon, and he was damn good at it. So, he stood up, stretched his wings, and let out a mighty roar.
“Thanks, Karen,” he said, as he took off into the sky. “You always know just what to say.”
Karen watched him go, shaking her head and smiling. That dragon may not know how to sell cars, but he sure knew how to make her laugh. And that was worth more than all the gold in the world.